I\u2019m sitting here with the intention of writing my paper that is due next week, but my thoughts are spinning around.\u00a0 In fact, lately there have been many thoughts and emotions left unspoken and unexpressed. Not that we have to voice every thought or display every emotion, but hiding who you are too much is not healthy.\u00a0 In fact it can cause someone to lose themselves over time, a piece at a time. Therefore, to become at peace with myself, I am starting a journal.\u00a0 Not with intention of gaining any notoriety.\u00a0 Yes, it is on the internet\u2026but my real name is not used, I intend for it to remain an anonymous method of self-expression. \u00a0There are so many blogs out there that this will most likely never be read by anyone other than myself.\u00a0 That\u2019s ok. I definitely do not want any friends or family to connect this with me, since that would ruin the intention of having a space to be real.<\/p>\n
There have been many times that I\u2019ve intended to start a journal.\u00a0 I never kept a diary as a child or teen.\u00a0 Really I\u2019ve never taken the time to write down my thoughts.\u00a0 I\u2019ve purchased beautiful journals to use, but they sit empty on the bookshelf \u2013 too pretty to ruin with my mere ramblings.\u00a0 The problem with paper journals is that other forms of expression are hard to add.\u00a0 I\u2019m very interested in learning photography and want pictures to become part of my journaling.\u00a0 Or perhaps I\u2019ll bring in my other hobby of reading into my journal somehow.\u00a0 We\u2019ll see how it goes.<\/p>\n
Should you happen upon this site and want to read about fluffy kittens and rainbows, please look elsewhere.\u00a0 I am a worrier, and have many things on my mind.\u00a0 I intend to discuss them. \u00a0Also, my grammar and punctuation may not be the best but perhaps those will improve with time and practice.<\/p>\n
So, back to the primary thought running through my head at the moment, keeping me from my task at hand. My mother had a mastectomy less than a week ago.\u00a0 I had pre-planned a week visit with them, and found out about the surgery on the way to their house today.\u00a0 A mastectomy is a big deal.\u00a0 Cancer is a big deal.\u00a0 My heart hurts for her. But I am also hurt because of her.\u00a0 My mom would have been the first person I contacted should I have needed a mastectomy. Why am I not high on her list of people that need to know? All of their church friends know.\u00a0 I am family, her only daughter. \u00a0What is that about?\u00a0 Not wanting me to worry?\u00a0 BS.\u00a0 That is what family is for, to lean on.\u00a0 I\u2019m not the best daughter, I know.\u00a0 I\u2019m married, in school, and working – busy.\u00a0 I live hours away, but they are the ones who moved away, not me.\u00a0 My parents are retired, not a lot going on.\u00a0 Except for church, but that is a whole other worry \/ issue, so that will be a post for another day.<\/p>\n
I was the last to know in their circle of people. Can I be the bigger person and let it go and just focus on caring for her during this time?\u00a0 Yes.\u00a0 But the hurt is there and it makes me re-think my place in their heart, and theirs in mine.\u00a0 Will they now be top on my list of people to tell if I was injured or ill?\u00a0 I\u2019m not so sure anymore. I miss who my parents use to be.<\/p>\n
The truth is that I love them, but do not like who they have become. \u00a0Bad daughter of the year award?\u00a0 Probably in the mail on its way to me now.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
I\u2019m sitting here with the intention of writing my paper that is due next week, but my thoughts are spinning around.\u00a0 In fact, lately there have been many thoughts and emotions left unspoken and unexpressed. Not that we have to voice every thought or display every emotion, but hiding who you are too much is […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-august-2011"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/tenasue.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/tenasue.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/tenasue.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/tenasue.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/tenasue.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/tenasue.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":6,"href":"https:\/\/tenasue.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1\/revisions\/6"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/tenasue.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/tenasue.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/tenasue.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}